20.04.2004
Tallinn

Presented by Heidi Rannik

Richard came to us, too small and too soon

“Doctors know nothing,” states the colonel’s widow in Juhan Smuul’s immortal tale.
Heaven knows how many times I have thought that.
Richard came to us, too small and too soon, the restless and impetuous spirit that he is. In
the first months, doctors told us not to hope for anything at all – we did not listen to them.
We hoped with everything we had and rejoiced over every little improvement, although
our senses told us to consider the other possibility as well. Even so, our bright pink dream
of the future was dealt a crippling blow when we found out that the retinal problem
common in premature babies affected us as well and that despite everything our son will
not be able to have completely normal vision. That’s OK, we consoled ourselves.

I don’t need it, it doesn’t concern me
So when the specialist (Olga Ilgina, of course) came to the children’s hospital to talk to
me, I let her in the room, being a polite person, but didn’t pay too much attention to what
she was saying. I knew for sure that I didn’t need it and it didn’t concern me. My selfawareness as a women was shaken as it was, having failed to carry a pregnancy – such a
natural thing that every woman seems to manage without any effort. Naturally, I blamed
myself for everything that happened to and with the baby afterwards. It took me quite a
long time to realise that this attitude helps no one, least of all my son.

Imagination and reality
When the baby is small, it is easy to imagine what he or she could be and not to notice
what he or she really is. After a while, we found out that Richard also had a hearing loss.
A small hearing loss, the doctors said, and assured us that he will not need hearing or
other aids. I was obviously pleased with this assessment – every mother wants to hear
that her child is doing well and can cope.

But as time went by, we realised that he couldn’t cope all that well. I don’t wear glasses
myself and sometimes I hear all too well, so it is impossible for me to ever adequately
imagine my child’s world. Unfortunately, coming to this realisation took me quite a
while… Today my son attends the eye group in Linnupesa kindergarten. He wears a
hearing aid in each ear and gets additional help from speech therapists and other
specialists.

Is it Richard’s dream as well…
The more help and advice Richard receives at the moment, the easier it will probably be
for him to cope later. Our dream is that he could go to an ordinary school because for one
thing, there are no educational institutions in Estonia able to meet his special needs.
Besides, he has a constitutional right to learn wherever he wants. Before that we naturally
have to find out whether that is just our dream as his parents or is it Richard’s dream as
well…